An ache in my heart....

Grief comes in waves. Some moments I am fine, and there are other times when I am cloaked in sadness. But, no matter how I am feeling there is always that ache in my heart. The emptiness. The loss.
Adapting to a new normal is hard.  I catch myself thinking that I need to call her and tell her something, or I think "Grandma would love this".  She is everywhere. There are multiple things from her or made by her in every room of our house. And, I love it that way. Even though she is gone, her presence is still felt. She is still giving.

She was more than just a Grandmother, she was one of my best friends. She was my buddy. She would act like a kid with me, and we would always have a wonderful time together. I had so many special little things that I shared with her.  We had little games we would play together. We had special nicknames for each other. It is hard to imagine that all I have left of her is the memories and the things she left behind.

This road of missing her Will be long, and hard.  The grief and mourning will in time, ease. But, there will always be an emptiness-- on holidays, on birthdays, in her home, and in our lives. 

It is hard to believe that something so drastic and tragic can happen so quickly. I close my eyes and think back on the last four weeks. Watch the events unfold in my mind. I think back to the first time I saw her laying in the hospital bed, barely able to speak.  I can still hear one of the last conversations we had. It was on books, food, and children-- all things that she loved. I can imagine how it felt when I would hug her, or hold her hand. I can still hear her voice, and see her smile.

Grandma, I miss you. So, So much. I love you always.